It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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