Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
