I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
