K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
