And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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