trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
