i just wanna soil my oats bro
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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