And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
