tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
