I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
