somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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