I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
