Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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