Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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