Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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