so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
