Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
