Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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