Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just want nice things and good sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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