on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
