just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
