You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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