i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Less talking, more tequila
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
