In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
