Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
