there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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