I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
