please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
