I will die if light touches me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
