she looked like the before picture.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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