I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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