i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
