fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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