I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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