Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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