Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
