I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so let's talk penis.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just high enough for therapy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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