she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
