so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
