is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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