Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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