you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
