she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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