there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
