Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
