I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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