After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my liver is dry heaving
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
