p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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