I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
