I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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