ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
