My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
